Episode 3- Poison Cupcakes III
 

Decree: I have thought of a brilliant idea.
Mandy: when are your ideas not brilliant, mistress?
Decree: Good point. Not only am I good looking, charming, graceful, and classy, but I am the smartest of all the Hell's angels.
Tierra: Yeah, anyway, back to the brilliant idea.
Decree: Yeah.... I know of something that we could get that the angels don't have...
Tierra: A life?
Decree: Shut up! I'm talking about weapons!
Mandy: My hands are my weapons.
Decree: No, real ones! It's faster and easier than magic, and it'll give us a great advantage!
Tierra: But Satan would never let us forge weapons.
Decree: We could get them off the black market.
Mandy: Every market is black down here.
Decree: You know what I mean! I know a dealer who could get us some good stuff really cheap.
Lark: Well then where are we gonna get the funds?
Decree: We'll have to have a fundraiser...
(They think for a moment...)
Mandy: A bake sale!
Decree: >_0 Bake sale? How old are you?
Mandy: Only 16,879...
Decree: Ha, you're too young to know the meaning of the word "fundraiser"!
Tierra: Actually I think it'd be a good idea. We could make some fast money, and baking supplies are practically free.
Decree: Whatever...
Tierra: Well I didn't hear *you* come up with any good ideas...
Decree: I came up with the one about getting the weapons!
Tierra: I said *good* ones...
Decree: Shut up, that *is* a good one!
Tierra: Well so's the bake sale idea, and I'm gonna do it, even if you don't participate.
Decree: Ew! Who got banished and made *you* head angel? No one, so shut your mouth!
Tierra: Whatever. I'd make a better head angel anyway.
Decree: Oh my Lord, you like *so* would not!
Tierra: Whatever! I would too.
*goes on for another half hour*
Mandy: Eh. *shrug* *goes off to make cupcakes for the bake sale*
Tierra: Hold it!!!!!
Decree: *in mid slash* What?
Tierra: What are you gonna do about getting our prisoner back?
Decree: ...Good point... Uh, when we get our weapons and kick angel ass, we'll just...take him back with us. And then you can babysit him ^_^
Tierra: Why do *I* have to take care of him?! He drools! And he cramps my style anyways.
Decree: What style?
Tierra: That's *IT*!!!!!!! *lunges for Decree and they get into a cat fight*
Lark: ...Let's go set up.
Mandy: Okay!

A LITTLE LATER...

(Mandy and Lark have already set up a table full of cake, pasteries, bagels,  chocolate, and Mandy's special (poisoned) cupcakes)
Lark: Do you think the cupcakes will sell?
Mandy: Sure! They're yummy! And cheap too...
Lark: *examines the sign* Fifty dollars?!?!?!?!
Mandy: A small price to pay considering they're the best cupcakes in the afterlife... Oh, here comes our first customer!
Portly Man: *waddles over* Yum! Food! *stuffs 3 bagles in his mouth*
Mandy: That'll be $20 please ^_^
Portly Man: $20?! No way, you're crazy!
Mandy: *shrugs* Have it your way... *summons her recently-created imps and they start beating him with sticks*
Portly Man: Oh, ouch, eeee, that hurts, stop! alright, alright, here! *tosses a $20 at them*
Mandy: Thank you! ^_^
Portly Man: *picks up one of the poison cupcakes* This can't be too expensive... *devours it* Hey, this is pretty good!
Mandy: Thanks! That's $50-
Portly man: $50?!?!?!?! *donk*
Mandy and Lark: *peer over the table*
Lark: I don't think he liked the price very much...
Mandy: Eh, it was probably just the poison...
(Both girls shrug and sit back down)
Decree: *storming in* That girl is insufferable...
Mandy: Welcome! Would you like to buy a cupcake or some cookies?
Decree: What?! *gives Mandy a confused look* You imbecile! I'm not buying anything!!!
Mandy: Then I'm afraid you are loitering and have to exit the premisis.
Decree: Argh.... *sits down next to Lark behind the table* Have we sold anything yet?
Mandy: Yup! $70 worth!
Decree: wow! And you've only been selling for what...2 minutes?
Mandy: I'm a good salesgirl!
Decree: Definitely!
Tierra: *comes in mumbling* And the prices are ridiculous...
Decree: *looks at the price chart* Oh...yeah... *mumble grumble you're right mumble*
Tierra: I'm sorry, mistress, what was that?
Decree: *snaps* Nothing! Now shut up, we have another customer.
Customer 2: Um...hi! Do you guys have a menu? *looks around and spots the Portly Man's body* Um... uh... *runs away*
Decree: What was that all about? *looks over the table and at the body* What the Hell-
Tierra: Ew! He looks all old and skeevy!
Angels: Ew! Grossness! I can't breathe, the skeevy guy contaminated the air! Get him away!!!
Decree: How did this happen?!
Mandy: It was either the poison or the price.
Lark: We couldn't really figure it out since both are kinda extreme.
Decree: Well get him away from the table, he's scaring the customers!
Mandy: *lightbulb*

MINUTES LATER...
(another customer has walked by)

Customer 3: Hi! Nice sign ya got there! *looks at the sign, which is actually the man's body with his eyes taped open, holding a piece of paper that says "Bake Sale"*
Mandy: Thank you ^_^
Customer 3: Mmmmmmm, everything looks so good! *picks up a cupcake and pays for it* * munch munch* Wow! These are great! *attracts a large crowd*
Mandy: Hey, she didn't pass out...
Lark: So maybe it wasn't the cupcakes *or* the price... hm...
(They think hard)
Decree: *getting swamped with money* Ack! Can I get some help here? *looks at Mandy and Lark, who are deep in thought* *looks at Tierra who is painting her nails* Tierra!
Tierra: *looks up for a moment and gives Decree an evil smirk*
Decree: C'mon! Help me out here!
Tierra: I'm sure the head Angel can get herself out of a little snafoo like a crowded bakesale...
Decree: Ugh! Just help me!!!!!! *being buried in $20s*
Tierra: No-can-do chica. My nails are wet.
Decree: Urrrrrrrrrrgh... >.<
Lark: *looks up in the middle of Mandy's rambling* OMG HE'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE! *everybody steps aside as she hurdles over the table and tackles Satan*
Satan: *hits the ground hard* Oof! *sweatdrops* Hi Lark...
Lark: *glomps him* I'm so glad you came!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Satan: What's going on here anyway?
Lark: *drags him back to the table* We're having a bakesale to raise money for-
Decree: 0_0 *kicks her*
Lark: Ow!
Decree: Eh heh heh... ^_^;;;;;
Satan: To raise money for...?
Decree: Um... a puppy! Yes, a sad, lost little puppy that we want to adopt... ^_^;;
Satan: *just a little afraid... * Um...riiiiiiiiight...
Decree: Would you like to buy something? We have a wide selection...
Pushy Customers: Hey! Hurry up! We want some! We're hungry!
Decree: JUST A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... Well?
Satan: *picks up a cupcake with pink frosting* Hey, this loooks good... *starts to put it in his mouth*
Mandy: *slow motion* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *leaps high into the air and tackles Satan, knocking the sweet out of his hand* *resumes regular speed*
Satan: *hits the ground again* Ah! You girls are too much for me...
Lark: Hey, get off him! *gets all jealous*
Satan: *gets back up as Lark clings to him* Why was I just attacked?
Mandy: *picks up the cupcake* That's the poisoned cupcake!
Tierra: I thought they were all poisoned.
Mandy: Yeah, but this one is special. This one has extra poison and a curse that turns the consumer into a imp!
Decree: ...riiiiiiiiiiiiight...
Mandy: I'm sorry, Your Highness.
Satan: *sweatdrops* Oh, no, that's okay. *rushing* WellIgotsomestufftodobackatthecastlesoI'llseeyougirlslater,k?hehhehbye! *runs off*
Lark: Damn, and I didn't even get to say bye to him...
Decree: Alright, alright, back to work, we still have a ways to go...

BY THE END OF THE DAY...
(Business has slowed down since the crowd, and the angels are bored outta their pretty little minds)

Mandy: *turning the cupcakes different colors* Soooo bored...
Decree: Business has been really slow.
Tierra: That was already fairly obvious...
Decree: I am *so* sick of you...
Lark: Hey, someone's coming...
*they all strain their eyes to see until the figure gets close enough*
Decree: Oh, it's just Kain and Zal.
Kain: Hey ladies. What are we doing today?
Angels: *monotone* Bake sale.
Zal: Bakesale, eh? Sounds tasty. Hey Kain, maybe we should pick up some stuff for later. *wink*
Kain: I was just thinking the same thing.
Tierra: ew...
Zallery: *picks up two of the multi-colored cupcakes* Hm...one for now and one for later... *eats the orange one* >POOF<
Decree: Sweet evil! What happened to Zal?!
Everyone: Huh?!
Decree: He's been turned into an imp!
Zallery: *high-pitched voiced* I feel fine! Really!
Kain: Oh no! *Now* how are we supposed to-
Tierra: Please don't finish that...
Mandy: Oh no! Since I changed all the cupcake colors, he must've eaten the pink poison one!
Tierra: ...didn't that one fall on the ground?
Mandy: That's not the point!
Decree: We have to fix this!
Tierra: Once again, Decree is master of the obvious.
Decree: *losing it* That's *IT*!!!!!! *throws a piece of Bundt cake at Tierra*
Tierra: *ducks and it hits Lark*
Lark: Hey! *throws a cupcake at Decree*
Decree: Ew! You're getting frosting all over my cape! *throws a pan of cookies, hitting the other 3*
*A full food fight breaks out*
>POOF<
Eve: *surverys the scene* *sweatdrops*
Decree: Hold it! *a stray cupcake hits her in the face* Eve?! What are *you* doing here?!
Kain: Eve!!!! *she and him skip around*
Decree: Kain! Stop, I'm asking her something!
Eve: I just came to buy some sweets. Our oven broke, and Evan's kinda hungry...
Decree: Oh yes, the boy. What a perfectly good waste of food. Well, take what you'd like and leave, we're busy...
Eve: *gives her a sarcastic "yeah, I'm sure you really are" look and picks up the remaining basket of muffins* How much?
Mandy: $135 ^_^
Eve: *pays up* What do you need all of this money for anyway?
Decree: We're adopting a puppy...
Eve: A fluffy puppy!!!!! ^_^ Wait a minute... what are you *really* doing?!
Decree: None of your business, priss!!!
Eve: Ew! hmph *throws a muffin that hits Decree in the head* >POOF<
Decree: Stupid wench...
Kain: Oh, it was so nice to see her...
Decree: Well, we're all sold out. Better close up shop and get Zallery to His Highness before it's too late.
Lark: Hooray, we're off to see Satan!!!!!!!!! *falls over drooling*
Kain: Don't worry, sexy, we'll get you all fixed! *stuffs Zallery the imp down his pants*
Tierra: *shudders* Let's go. I don't wanna spend any more time with the flamer than I have to...
(So they all exit, Mandy dragging a drooling Lark behind)

UP IN HEAVEN...
(Eve has returned with the muffins and the other angels plus Evan and Queen Shell are lounging around, basking in the warm glow of the late noon sun)

Eternity: So how was it, Eve?
Evan: OOOOOOOO, FOOD!!!!!! *lunges for the basket and scarfs down every last crumb*
Angels: *sweatdrops*
Eve: Well, you'll be interested to know that those angels were having a little *tiff* when I arrived... *smile*
Eternity: Oh really...
Eve: Yeah. They got into a food fight. They were all *covered* in sugar and frosting! It was priceless!
Angels: *loud laughter*
Queen Shell: Those girls never did get along... I bet my 100-karat diamond that Decree and Tierra started it.
Eve: Well whoever did, it was hilarious...
(They resume their lounging and normal chit-chat)

BACK IN HELL...
(The group has made their way to the gates of Satan's castle)

Lark: I can't wait, let's go! *runs ahead but gets stopped by the guards*
Guard 1: State your name and purpose.
Decree: This is such crap, I'm head angel for Hell's sake!
Guard 1: Sorry, I can't let anyone pass. Proceedure.
Lark: Just tell His Evilness that Lark is here.
Guard 2: Is he *supposed* to know you? *incredulous glare*
Lark: Of course! I'm his future wife!
Guard 2: Stay here, I'll go check. *he scampers off to the throne room* *salutes* Your Highness.
Satan: Oh, hey, what's up?
Guard 2: There is a group of individuals here. One claims to be your future wife, Sir.
Satan: *sweatdrops* Oh geez, that must be Lark. Alright, send them in...
Guard 2: Right away, sir... *he waddles back* Alright, you may pass.
Decree: *shoves by haughtily* Thanks for nothing... *she leads the group to the throne room and they kneel in front of Satan* Your Kingship...
Satan: Hello, Decree, what can I do for you now?
Decree: Well first of all you can fire the guards at the front gate. They wouldn't let any of the angels in! Can you believe the nerve?!
Satan: *sweatdrops* Oh, heh heh, I have no idea why... *ahem* They will be thoroughly reprimanded.
Decree: Thank you, Sire. Now for more pressing business.
Kaindell: *takes Zallery the imp out of his pants* Dude, is there any way you can reverse this?
Zallery: *flying around* WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! This is great!
Satan: *grabs Zallery's wing and examines him* Hm..... well, I'll try some remedy, and if that doesn't work I'll have to think of something else. *pours a bottle of Remedy on Zallery and he turns back to normal*
Zallery: *lands on Satan's lap* Well hell-oooooooooo... *wink*
Lark and Kain: *drag Zal off of Satan*
Lark: *replaces him with herself* Hello Lucifer... *runs a finger down Satan's bicep*
Satan: *sweatdrops* Hi Lark.
Decree: Thank you, Your Highness, but we must be off to adopt that puppy! *runs out with the group, except for Lark who is still trying to seduce Satan*
Lark: *gets dragged away* Bye bye Lucifer!
Satan: *gives her a weak wave and a faint smile before she is dragged out of site* *sigh of relief*

IN A DARK ALLEYWAY SOMEWHERE IN HELL...
(Decree is off to get her weapons from her supplier, Tony)

Decree: Hey Tony!
Tony: Hey hey! What's happenin', Decree?
Decree: Nada. You have the stuff for me?
Tony: You have the money?
Decree: Yeah. *holds up a sack of cash*
Tony: Then yeah. *hands her a black garabage bag full of stuff and takes the cash* You come back whenever you need somethin else, got it?
Decree: No problem! Thanks! *she runs back to the center*

IN THE CENTER ROOM...
(The other angels wait anxiously for Decree to come back with their kick-ass new weapons. Mandy and Lark are doing each other's hair, Zallery and Kaindell are making out, and Tierra is being grossed out)

Tierra: Oh geez, it's times like this when I wish Decree were here, even though she's a spiteful bitch-
>POOF<
Decree: What was that, Tierra? *evil glares*
Mandy: Hey, you got 'em!
*The angels rush over to see*
Decree: Yup! *proudly raises the bag*
Lark: Wow! Hey, Decree, you never told us where you got this stuff...
Decree: Tony hooked me up!
Lark: Oh, I love Tony! His Slamdance Hut is great!
Decree: Of course! Where else would I go for this, huh?! Well, without further adu... *opens the bag* ^_^
(To everyone's horror (except Decree's b/c she isn't looking) all there is is a water pistol, slingshot, plastic toy retractable knife, and a bottle of bubbles)
Mandy: ooooooooooo... *takes the bubbles and starts blowing them around*
Tierra: *falls over laughing*
Decree: *opens her eyes* What?! *looks into the bag* Oh @#$%!!!
Lark: Back to the drawing board...
Tierra: *still laughing too hard to breathe* That's what you paid $2000 for?! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Decree: Drat! Foiled again! *sigh*
Tierra: I don't think you'll *ever* get it right...
Decree: Oh yeah? Then next time *you* think of something! *storms off*
Mandy: Hey, bubbles are lethal!
Tierra: ...I'm not gonna ask...

And so the angels are back to square one...yes, after all that...
 

THE END
 
 
 
 

I didn't find it so amusing...

Well you fail to see the humor in anything. You need a vacation...which reminds me... *goes off to think about a future episode in which Decree goes to take a vacation* That was a good chapter...

WHAT?! What was that? Tell me, I wanna know!!!... *chases after her*

Nope, can't, nobody knows the story but me, and we're keeping it that way... Oh, btw, if anybody's wondering, Tony is a personal friend of ours ^_^ Inside joke...

If you really don't care all that much (and I'm sure you don't) go back to the main page and try to find an escape route there...