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Lindsay: I think
the sweetest Valentine I've ever recieved was from that hot mortal, Marc.
Dream: Oh, I remember
him! *winks* Word up here says he still has it bad for you.
Lindsay: *blushes*
Well I thought about asking him out tonight... *blushes deeper*
Angels: Oooooooooooooh!
*giggles*
Eve: What about
you, Eternity?
Eternity: Oh, I'm
a little busy for that sort of thing. Actually, I'm more into the history
of it, like Saint Valentine, and Cupid, and thoe other myths and whatnot.
Eve: Eternity, hun,
you need to get out more...
Lindsay: Definitely...
But for now, I'm gonna go look for Marc... *leaves, bumping into Evan on
the way out* Oh, sorry hun! ^_^ Didn't see ya there.
Evan: S'ok, beautiful.
Where you off to in such a rush?
Lindsay: Actually
I was just going to find my Valentine. Later! *skips out*
Evan: *snap* *pulls
a piece of paper out of his pocket and crosses something out. He then looks
down the list and across the room* So...Eternity...you busy tonight?
Eternity: *sweatdrops*
Um, actually, I was just gonna do some more research... *runs out*
Evan: Darn. Oh well.
You up for it Dream?
Dream: *feels a
little sorry for him* Well...
Evan: *puppy face*
Dream: *sigh* Alright...
Evan: Heh heh heh
*puts his arm around her and escorts her ou* Sorry, Eve.
Eve: *watches them
leave* ...Why do I feel as though I have been rejected?
DOWN IN THE LAND
OF LOVE...
(Decree is bitter
and confused about the whole holiday. The other three angels are trying
to calm her down.)
Decree: I don't get
it! A whole popular holiday *wasted* on a Saint?! And what for?!
What is the purpose of this ridiculous day anyway?!
Mandy: Exactly!
Now *Groundhog Day*- there's a holiday...
Tierra: *pats her
on the head* Thas right, hun...
Mandy: I can't wait
for it to come around. ^_^
Tierra: But it already
passed.
Mandy: *gasp!* 0_o;;;;;;;;;;;
Lark: Well all *I*
know is that it's a time for romance. *spritzes on perfume* And tonight
Lucifer is getting the full Valentine's Day experience.
Decree: That doesn't
explain anything! I'm going to ask Queen Shell about it. Anyone with me?
Mandy: Yeah! And
while we're at it I'm going to demand that Groundhog Day be brought back!
Tierra: *sweatdrops*
I'll go with you, just to keep and eye on her...
Decree: Alright
then. You coming too, Lark?
Lark: What for?
I know all I need to know about the holiday of romance. *goes off into
her own little fantasy*
Decree: Fine. Let's
go.
IN SHELL'S THRONE
ROOM, WHERE THE LOVE IS SPREAD ALL DAY EVERY DAY...
(Shell has been
listening to Decree bitch about how she doesn't know what Valentine's Day
is for the past hour. she finally cuts her short so she can train the angels.)
Shell: Alright, Romance
101 girls. V-Day is this stupid holiday that nobody knows the origin of
where couples make kissy faces at each other while they gorge fattening
chocolate and if guys have particularly generous girlfriends they score,
while singles sulk about their crappy lovelives and ex-s while at the same
time throwing darts in those cheesy seedy singles bars.
Angels: *blink blink*
Decree: That explains
nothing.
Shell: Alright,
diorama it is. *pulls out an easel and a box filled with red and pink junk*
Mandy: I knew it!
I knew it! Dry erase board *are* tools of the Devil!!!
Shell: ...Ok. Here's
a little lesson for ya. *takes out a pointer and points to the easel* Here
we have a standard "Valentine", which is a small $.99 card that has cheesy
messages written on it. Couples give these to each other and their supposed
to "mean something". *rolls eyes* Bonus points for any guy who can write
their own. But that rarely happens so...observe. *grabs a card out of the
box and hands it to Decree* Here, read.
Decree: *out loud*
Roses are read, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
Shell: This is the
lamest and most unoriginal. Smack anyone who gives this to you.
Decree: Okay. *smacks
Shell*
Shell: >.< I
meant any *guy*!!
Decree: *shrugs*
What's next?
Shell: Ah-ha. *pulls
out a heart shaped red box* This, along with flowers, is the standard Valentine's
Day gift. Inside are little chocolates filled with nuggety chewy stuff.
They taste pretty good, but they go straiht to your thighs, so although
it's very thoughtful for a guy to get you a *huge* box, it will get you
nowhere. *hands the box to Decree* Go ahead, try one.
Decree: *opens the
lid and picks one out* Hmmm... *examines it and puts it in her mouth* Hm...not
bad! Yum, coconut!
Shell: See? So,
aside from cards and gifts, the rest of Valentine's Day is all marketing
pink and red hearts. Like I said, ask any random couple where it comes
from, and they won't have any real clue. Observe. *snaps her fingers and
a young, highly confused couple appears* *Shell points to the girl*
Where does Valentine's Day come from?
Girl: Um...Russel
Stover's?
Shell: Nope. *points
to the guy*
Guy: Hallmark!
Shell: Wrong! *snaps
them away* See?
Decree: This holiday
seems pretty pointless-
Shell: That *is*
the point!
Decree: What?! Dammit,
now I'm confused again!
Tierra: Me too,
Shell.
Mandy: Me three!
*scarfs down the chocolates*
Tierra: You're *always*
confused.
Mandy: ...Oh yeah!
^_^
Shell: *lightbulb*
I got it!
Decree: Will it
explain all of this?!
Shell: I think so.
I think that in order to understand this holiday, you need to *experience*
it.
Decree: I don't
like where this is going.
Shell: I'm gonna
set you up on a blind date with a friend of mine on Earth. His name's Dave,
he's cute and smart, pre-med, and he loves tough women like you.
Not too good in bed though...
Decree: Hold it!
I'm not going out with some stanger *you've* set me up with! He's probably
some loser who likes Star Trek and computers... *shudders*
Shell: No no, you'll
love him! It'll be great! C'mon, do you wanna get this holiday or not?
It's all for the cause!
Tierra: Yeah! Plus
it'll get you out for once! C'mon, I'll help you get ready!
Decree: No thanks
skank. Fine, I'll do it. But do I *really* have to go alone?
Shell: No. Hey,
it's not my date...You should bring someone with you in fact.
Mandy: oh, I'll
go! ^_^ After all, I *am* the Earth advocate.
Shell: Okay then!
Meet Dave in front of Cove Restaurant at 7:30, okay? Have fun!
(So Decree and the
other two go back to Hell to get Decree ready for her big date.)
ALREADY DOWN THERE...
(Satan is sitting
in his bedroom, fantasizing about Cherry.)
Satan: Oh my little
starfruit, if you only knew how desireable you are...Curse the boundaries
of good and evil in this war of the heart! *tries to jump up in a fit of
passion but instead falls to the floor* Ouch. Love is heard on the knees...
Guard: Excse me,
your Evilness. But you have a visitor.
Satan: Oh god, I
can only imagine. *sigh* Send her in.
(The guard scampers
away and moments later Lark enters)
Lark: *seductively
leaning against the door in a tight red dress* Hello, Lucifer.
Satan: *sweatdrops*
Hi Lark.
Lark: *saunters
over to him* I've come to give you the full Valentine's Day experience...
Satan: *inching
away from her* That's sweet of you, Lark, but uh...I uh...have plans tonight.
Lark: *practicaly
on top of him* Oh? What sort of plans?
Satan: *thinks*
Oh, you know, seducing the young pure angel, having my way with her
over and over and >CENSORED<* *says* Oh, I
was just going to Earth for dinner...by myself-
Lark: Oh then allow
me to join you!
Satan: No no!- I
mean, uh, a young, pretty thing like you should really get out and have
fun. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend. *runs out*
Lark: Ooooooooh...
>.< @#$#%^&$#%^#$%^!!!
(So Satan leaves
for Earth, and already up there is the object of his desire, sitting in
the park looking for someone.)
Cherry: She's late!
If I'm gonna help Tammy she has to know to be punctual.
???: Waiting for
me my little Heavenly Body?
Cherry: Oh good
god, what do *you* want?!
Satan: Just one
passionate night under the moon and stars with the most stellar of the
universe. *sits down right beside her*
Cherry: Sorry, but
I'm saving myself for Elton John. *rolls her eyes*
Satan: C'mon, who
are you waiting for? Really?
Cherry: My friend
Tammy. I'm trying to get her together with one of those cute guys at Starbucks.
Satan: Which one?
Cherry: Which guy
or which Satrbucks?
Satan: Either one.
Cherry: *laughs*
Satan: Tammy, Tammy...that
name sounds farmiliar.
Cherry: She runs
the Satanic bookstore around here.
Satan: Oh yeah!
She's a big fan of mine!
Cherry: Yes, yes
she is. I bet she'd love to meet you.
Satan: *puts his
arms around her and pulls her up* We have something in common now... I
think we're meant for each other. *tries to put his hand on her ass*
Cherry: *pushes
him away with disgust* Hardly. Look, why don't you just leave me alone?
You cause enough trouble as it is.
Satan: Aw c'mon.
Please let me help you?! It'll give me an excuse to stay away from Lark.
Cherry: Why don't
you like her? She seems more your type.
Satan: But fate
brought us together baby. *wink*
Cherry: *annoyed
sigh* Look, you already are enough of a pain and you'll just get in the
way!
Satan: No! C'mon,
please?!?!?!
Cherry: No!! Now
go away, here she comes!
Tammy: Hey Cherry!
Cherry: You're late!
Tammy: Sorry! I
had to close up shop. Who's your friend?
Cherry: *groan*
Tammy, this is Satan.
Tammy: Cool.
Satan: Would you
like my autograph?
Tammy: Nah.
Cherry: We don't
have time for this! C'mon, Tammyl, we gotta get down to Starbucks! I was
just bidding Lucifer good day anyway. *casts a death glare at him*
Tammy: Alright then.
Later.
(The two run off)
Satan: This isn't
over yet my dear. You can't get rid of me that easily...
MEANWHILE...
(Lark has been hunting
down Satan and she finally gets a clue and goes up to Earth, spotting him
in the park.)
Lark: Yoohoo! Lucifer!
Satan: *groans*
Dear sweet evil why... *spins around with a fake smile* Heeeeey...what
brings you here, Lark?
Lark: Just looking
for you. ^_~
Satan: Oh... *sweatdrops*
Well actually, I was just leaving-
Lark: Oh? Where
ya going?
Satan: *getting
annoyed* Larry's Lard Hut. *rolls eyes*
Lark: Oh, what a
coincidence. I was just going thre too!
Satan: Yeah, well,
see ya later! *runs off*
Lark: Larry's Lard
Hut...I think that's around here...heh heh heh, now I've got 'im. *runs
off as well*
MEANWHILE, AT STARBUCKS...
(Cherry and Tammy
saunter into the store and to the counter)
Cherry: Just relax,
okay?
Tammy: Alright.
*takes a deep breath* Is Trent here?
Guy at the Counter:
Yeah, he's in the back on break. One sec, I'll let ya back. *opens the
counter and the pair cross behind*
Tammy: Oh damn I'm
nervous...
Cherry: Just relax!
It's simple, just say hi and smile and ask him out for tonight.
Tammy: But where
should I ask him out to?
Cherry: Keep it
simple! How bout for coffee?
Tammy: I'd feel
a little odd asking a guy who works at a coffee place out for coffee. *rolls
eyes*
Cherry: *sweatdrop*
Then how bout to a nice restaurant? Cove is a great place.
Tammy: Fine. I guess
it's now or never. *takes another deep breath and walks into the back room*
Cherry: *satisfied
smile* *leans back against the counter to wait*
???: Hello, I'd
like to order a double late with a side of *you*, extra whipped cream.
Cherry: *annoyed
sigh* How did you find me?
Satan: Hey, it wasn't
easy babe! Do you know how many Starbucks there are in this city?!
Cherry: Yes, but
I was hoping you didn't.
Satan: So, any luck
playing Cupid?
Cherry: Tammy's
in there now asking Trent out.
Satan: Oh, let's
go spy on them.
Cherry: Hey, that's
not a half bad idea.
(They go through
the door and crouch down right next to the employee room to eavesdrop.)
Satan: What're they
talking about
Cherry: Shh! I can't
hear!
Satan: *leans on
her so he can hear*
Cherry: Ouch! You're
squishing me!
Satan: Sorry, but
I can't hear!
Cherry: Get off!
I'm gonna fall over!
Satan: One second,
I think I hear something!
Cherry: ow- WOAH!
Both: *cry out and
fall over, landing at the feet of Tammy and Trent* Eh-heh heh... *major
sweatdrops*
OUTSIDE...
(Cherry is chasing
after an irate Tammy)
Cherry: So how'd
it go?
Tammy: Well, he
was gonna say yes, but then you and that stupid fruitcuphad to "drop
in" and spoil the moment!
Cherry: So he said
yes?
Tammy: *rolls her
eyes* Thanks for nothing.
Cherry: Wait, it
wasn't my fault! Gimmie another try, I promise no on will get in the way
this time.
Tammy: *sigh* fine,
but only cuz I'm desperate.
Cherry: Thank you!
*hugs her as her friend continues walking* ...wait... *confused look as
she hurries on*
IN THE PARK...
(Cherry and Tammy
split up to look for Trent. Cherry is looking around some forest area.)
Satan: *pops up*
Hey baby. Lookin' for me?
Cherry: You've already
gotten in the way already, so just go away.
Satan: Hey, no,
c'mon baby! That was just a minor setback! C'mon, gimmie another chance!
I'll help you, I know where the boy is.
Cherry: And why
should I let you help? You're a bigger pain than it's worth.
Satan: Then it's
all for the cause! *glomps her* PLEEEEEASE?!
Cherry: Will you
go away if I say yes?
Satan: Sure! ^_^
Cherry: *defeated
sigh* Fine.
Satan: That wasn't
a yes...
Cherry: *rolls her
eyes* Yes.
Satan: *picks her
up and spins her around* Thanks babe! Now c'mon, coffee boy's playing Frisbee.
(They run off.)
MEANWHILE...
(Tammy is wandering
around looking for trent. She spots him playing Frisbee with his friends.
She waves and, after a few moans and groans, runs over.)
Tammy: Hey Trent.
Trent: *eyes shift
around* Those psycho friends of yours aren't around, are they?
Tammy: *sweatdrops*
No... *thinks* Thank God.
Trent: Okay. *sigh
of relief* So, what were you asking me before?
Tammy: I was asking
if-
(All of a sudden,
over the horizon, Cherry and Satan come sprinting towards them.)
Tammy: Oh crap.
RUN!
(So the pair take
off, with Cherry and Satan in hot pursuit.)
Cherry: Wait, I
gotta see this!
Satan: *is running
with a video camera* ^_^
Tammy: Leave me
alone!
Trent: Can't you
freaks leave us alone for *two seconds*?!?!
Cherry: I just want
you to go on a date with her!
Trent: *stops short*
Fine!!!
Tammy: *crashes
into him* Really?!
Cherry: *trips pver
them* Hey! See, I did a good job!
Satan: *runs past
them about 50 feet, then stops and runs back* Wait, I gotta get this on
camera! *zooms in on Cherry's cleavage* Heh heh...
Trent: Yeah, we
can go out tonight. What did you have in mind?
Satan: Well, I was
thinking a little chianti, a little shellfish, a walk on the water and
then some foreplay-
Trent: *ahem* I
was asking Tammy.
Satan: I was giving
you suggestions. *winks amd pulls Cherry against him*
Cherry: *sweatdrops*
Get off me...
Tammy: We'll go
out to dinner. Meet me at Cove restaurant at 7:30, okay?
Trent: Okay. *gets up from under the pile-up*
But first I think I need to pay a little visit to the chiropractor...
7:30, IN FRONT OF
COVE...
(Decree and Mandy
are standing there waiting for Dave. They are both dressed really nicely
in...well...black. Mandy is also holding a tray of pink cupcakes.)
Decree: Mandy, what
are those?
Mandy: Valentine's
Day cupcakes! ^_^ I figured that if chocolates aren't good for you, cupcakes
are!
Decree: *sweatdrop*
(Just then, a relatively
handsome young man walks up to them and shakes Decree's hand.)
Guy: Hi, you must
be Decree. I'm Dave.
Decree: *not impressed
at all* Charmed I'm sure. This is my friend Mandy.
Mandy: ^_^ Sheep!
Dave: *sweatdrops*
Riiiiiight...
Mandy: Quack! ^_^
Dave: *hands Decree
a beautiful orchid* Here, for you.
Decree: Ack! *lights
it on fire*
Dave: *sweatdrops*
Decree: Um...and
these are for you. *hands him the tray of cupcakes*
Dave: Hey, these
look great! Thanks! *picks one up and takes a bite. He immediately passes
out*
Decree: *sweatdrops*
Oh my, that can't be good. >.< Mandy, what's in those cupcakes?!
Mandy: Oh, you know,
the usual- butter, sugar, cream, arsenic...
Decree: Mandy!!!
He's mortal! You coulda killed him!
Mandy: *shrugs*
Oops.
Decree: I think
we should like take him to a hospital or something.
Mandy: Okay. *hoists
him onto her shoulders and they walk off*
(As the two girls
leave, another pair arrives. It's Tammy and Trent, with Cherry and Satan
following really close behind in the shadows.)
Cherry: You can
stop following me now. Thanks for your help, see ya.
Satan: No, I'm coming
to the restaurant with you.
Cherry: No you're
not.
Satan: Yes I am.
Cherry: No you're
not.
Satan: Yes I am.
Cherry: No you're
not.
Satan: Yes I am.
Cherry: *entering
the restaurant* No you're not.
Satan: *keeps following
her* Yes I am.
Cherry: Fine, but
keep quiet. And if you screw up I'll have your head.
Satan: *grins* It's
a date then.
Cherry: You wish.
Satan: Yes, I do.
(So the two sit
at a secluded table in the corner, watching Tammy and her date like hawks.)
MEANWHILE, AT THE
HOSPITAL...
(Mandy and Decree
are sitting in the E.R. with an unconcious- possibly dead- Dave slumped
over in a chair.)
Nurse: *scampers over to them* Excuse me,
miss, I'm going to ask you to fill out some forms on your brother.
Decree: *tapping
foot impatiently* Is this gonna take long?
Nurse: Not at all.
Decree: Fine, give.
Nurse: *hands her
a *HUGE* stack of papers* Do you need a pen?
Decree: *buried*
No thanks, I have my own...
Nurse: Kay! ^_^
*she skips off*
(So Decree gets
to work while Mandy keeps slapping Dave trying to wake him up.)
BACK IN HELL...
(Lark is sitting
by herself on Satan's bed, looking more than unhappy.)
Lark: If there's
one thing I hate, it's being alone. Where could he possible be?! *sigh*
I looked all over that city, and I didn't find a trace. *lightbulb* I know
what I'll do! I'll ask Decree for help, she'll know what to do! Cove, eh?...
(She goes off to
Earth and pops up right outside the restaurant.)
Satan: It's been
an hour and they haven't gotten anywhere!
Cherry: I'd use
my cupid's arrow but I don't wanna risk hem seeing us. Not just yet anyway...
Satan: You're right,
now's not the time to blow our cover. *spots the puff of smoke outside
and pales* Oh @#$%!!!
Cherry: What?
Satan: We've got
company. *goes to get up*
Cherry: *pulls him
back down* No wait! You'll blow our cover!
Satan: But we gotta
get rid of Lark!
(A bell chimes as
Lark enters)
Cherry: Too late.
Lark: *spots Satan
with Cherry* *gasp* Lucifer, there you are! *turns red and storms over*
You said you were eating alone! Who's *she*?!
Satan: Uh...um...*sweatdrop*
My sister?
Lark: You bastard!
How could you? Ugh, this is the last time I *ever* court your sorry ass!
*throws a glass of water in his face and smashes it on the ground before
storming out*
Everyone: *stare
at the pair silently*
Tammy: *feels like
hanging herself*
Cherry and Satan:
Eh-heh. *sweatdrops* *inch toward the door before bolting out*
BACK AT THE HOSPITAL...
(After some bad
hand cramps, Decree *finally* finishes the forms and Dave is admitted into
treatment.)
Decree: This is a
fine mess you've gotten us into, Mandy.
Mandy: Eh. *shrugs*
Decree: This date
blows! I'm gonna have Shell's head for this.
Nurse: Excuse me,
miss. You can go in and see him now.
Decree: Ok. *drags
Mandy into the room*
(Dave is laying
in bed with tubes shoved into every orifice in his body.)
Mandy: *throws herself
onto the bed* Oh cruel world why?! Why must you take him way from me?!
Decree: *rolls her
eyes* Get off ya cheeseball. *pulls her off*
Mandy: *teary-eyed*
Will he be okay doctor?
Doctor: Yes, he
will be fine in a few weeks. However there are some men here to see you...
Police Officer #1:
Decree and Mandy?
Decree: Yeah.
Mandy: No, I'm a
sheep. ^_^
Police Officer #2: *gives her a weird look*
You're under arrest for attempted murder.
Decree: Oh @#$%.
BACK IN THE PARK...
(Cherry is storming
across the grass, absolutely livid with anger. Satan is chasing afer her,
calling to her, but she refuses to stop.)
Satan: Cherry, wait!
Cherry: Hells no!
You've already caused enough trouble *three times* today! That's
enough!
Satan: Give me one
more chance! It wasn't my fault.
Cherry: No! You're
ruining everything we've worked for! Now I'm going to give it one more
chance during dessert alone. Don't follow me. *she storms off, this
time not being chased*
LATER...
(Cherry's watching
Tamy and Trent from a nearby table, but she's completely bored.)
Cherry: Nothing's
happened yet and the night is almost over! If I don't do something, those
two are gonna be hopeless for the rest of their lives.
(She goes to cast
a love spell, but a sudden crash stops her.)
Satan: *from on
the floor* Funny seeing you here...
Cherry: At least
they didn't see us. *sigh* Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?
Satan: I am. This is just pure coincidence.
Cherry: Well...I
guess I'm kinda glad you're here.
Satan: Oh?
Cherry: Yeah, it
was getting' kinda boring.
Satan: I can see
why.
Cherry: Oh! They're
getting up! C'mon! *she grabs his hand and they run out through the night*
(Tammy and Trent
walk along under the stars to Tammy's apartment building door. Cherry and
Satan watch from the rooftop.)
Tammy: Well, thank
you. This was fun.
Trent: Yeah, and
weird too.
Tammy: *sweatdrops*
Yeah, that too...
Trent: Let's do
it again sometime.
Tammy: Definitely.
(They kiss)
Cherry: Aw! ^_^
Satan: Looks like
our work here is done.
(They look into
each other's eyes for a moment.)
Cherry: Um...well...bye.
>POOF<
Satan: Yeah...bye...
MEANWHILE...
(Decree and Mandy
are in a jail cell downtown.)
Decree: Ugh, I can't
believe this! This is the worst night of my afterlife!
Mandy: *laying on
the cold cement floor* Such 5-star accomidations...
Decree: Well at
least *you're* comfortable.
Police Officer:
Okay, ladies. You get your one phone call.
Decree: Thank the
Devil! *she runs out and grabs the phone, dialing the layer* *she gets
the answering machine* Tierra, it's Decree. *Please* pick up! Me and Mandy
are in jail, don't ask why, and we're in a bunch of trouble! Please please
please pick up! Tierra!
(cut to Tierra,
sitting there listening)
Tierra: Heh heh
heh. *eating a box of chocolates with a smug smile on her face* Oh, I'll
be there...in a few days...
I hate you. That
sucked.
Oh, you didn't like
it? But I worked so hard on it!
That's it! I'm leaving!
Forget this! Go back
and petition to close this pathetic site!